The Stag and the Doe

Saturday, May 30Th... The dreadful feeling from the night before creeping up my spine like a time bomb ready to detonate at the first sign of exposure. As we reared toward what we all hoped would be the party of the century we were determined and wanting, or at least we all tried to feel that way. What would come of this nights festivities and why?
We entered the mouth of the beast and what a dire scene. Groups of segregated prisoners stood baron amidst the hall. Half were soldiers the others...hippies, friends, us. Recipe for disaster? I reached deep into my pocket to fish out a drink stub and watched the hyena's hands fill with red plastic cups. Sea's of red plastic cups being placed and misplaced all over the room. An epidemic of sorts but we all played along as the hall began to flood with people.
Drink after drink. Stub after stub. Rye, vodka, rum, beer, and soda pop! The animals were drowning themselves and I was glad to fit in. The liquid drive to be pushed and dispersed amidst the wolves and all of the smiling faces. Why were we here? Ah, yes the happy couple cropped neatly into the corner and their sanity may have been lost. Oh how the old greenback brings people together...
With my head now feeling like a leaking sandbag and a bladder that was about to explode all over the room there was only one thing to do... FIND A BATHROOM! As I set down what felt like my 100Th empty red party cup I made a quick escape for the porcelain sanctum. Release! Relief! Freedom! Finally some time to jot a few memo's down before I forgot entirely what had happened in the wild scene. Wait a second.. Why were there no urinals in this bathroom? I quickly realised that in my drunken getaway to the bathroom I paid no mind in finding out exactly which genders bathroom I had chosen! Time for the heartbeat to start racing. I am in a situation... What to do? What could I do? They ll hang me by the neck and play me like a pinata for this one. In a rush I thought of the most rational thing that came to mind... Casually wash your hands and get the flying Jesus Christ out of there! As I opened the door to leave I was even bold enough to tip my hat and acknowledge the people outside. Confidence is key in the drinking game.
Now that the situation was over with I could tackle anything thrown my way including more booze and raging gorilla's one of which was so abrasive about getting me to tip the ladies serving the alcohol that I had to play with his psyche. There was no other way...
"Hey man!" spoke the gorilla. "You're gonna tip those beautiful ladies for getting you a drink?!"
"I don't know..." I replied. "Depends on how much you're going to tip for me."
"Well..uh...No I mean you have to tip those girls for getting you you're beer." Pure confusion as most monkeys usually struggle with.
"Well aren't you going to tip for me?" I argued back. He had no idea what hit him.
"I already tipped these fine ladies 20 bucks for doing such a great job and you're gonna put some money in the cup to!" he grumbled.
"Do you have 2 fives?" I asked.
"Uh, yeah" he replied awkwardly.
"Alright then man, Take those two fives and put them in the cup. Consider that my tip..." I laughed and walked away as his friend approached me from behind.
"Don't worry about him man, that was hilarious. He does stuff like that all the time no one really puts up with it." his friend assured me.
Oh how odd it would be to have to let someone know how much of a douche your friend is. Poor, caged beast of a man...
The party raged on and waves of the damned departed and escaped in drunken stupors. I was lucky enough to leave with my head on my shoulders and a beer in hand. Oh and about that ticking time bomb crawling up my spine... consider the next morning its implosion. We act this way because we can and no matter what is holding us back we should never pass up a good time and a golden opportunity for experience. This is life. What should we do next weekend?