The unexpected party night... The feeling of pure spontaneity... What could possibly lie ahead? Could it be regret? Could there be that perfect rush of instinct that we all hope to feel with every drink poured down our throats? We forever hope to have an even better time every night we go out and celebrate, relish, experience, remember, or hope to forget. It is an endless cycle of newness. It is the wait before the night’s adventure that truly makes things interesting. This is what we do.
Tuesday June 23rd, 2009. I woke up with the intentions of going to my friend Dylan's studio. I love that place. It is located in a prime area near downtown Ottawa down Fifth St. off of Bank, the
Glebe as it is referred to here. The place is covered in old and modern homes. As you walk down the side streets of the area you are nothing short of stunned as you notice the drastic
characteristics of each place of residence. Some are made of red brick with wide front windows, some are as modern as the
Jetsons, and others are covered in vines and scream "This is our home! We who live in these buildings love these places whole heatedly". In between each of these houses are trees and gardens filled with flowers of all sorts. This place is a haven. The air even smells richer in the
Glebe...
Anyways... As I was saying I had planned to make a day of visiting the studio as Dylan finished up some photography work he had to do. I was going to read and hang out in the sun, maybe talk to my friend
Breanna whom lives in a quaint little apartment like basement of the house directly in front of the studio. Dylan and I got all of our stuff together. We were ready to head out and begin our day until we got to the bus stop in front of our apartment buildings. My cell phone rang...
"Hey man, what’s up?"
It was my friend Dominic on the phone. Now to understand the situation a little bit better I am going to fill you in on just the kind of human being Dominic is and a little bit about his background. Dominic is intense in the true sense of the word. Although he has his more quite moments here and there, these moments are usually very rare. He is an average sized man in height but he is truly muscular and will let you know this. He loves
confrontation. He loves women of all sorts as long as they "Don’t talk and let you do your thing, fuck them and be done with them". These sorts of things that he says only add to the intensity that is Dominic. He is however very generous. A contraband cigarette smuggler by day he makes an exceptional sum of money for a person our age, taking my low income situation to heart of course. He spends his money needlessly and carelessly and most of the time on Tom, Dylan and I if not on his tricked out Chrysler
Seabring... Yes I said it, a Chrysler
Seabring. We still do not mind. He had been sleeping on our couch at night for about a month or so and it came to a point where
confrontation was needed and I guess now he has discovered my friend Corey (refer back to The Story of the Water Bottle and the Whiskey) and has moved on to crashing at his place for a couple hundred dollars a month.
However he is still our friend, is honest about being so, and will come by and drive us around in his car and help us out in ways that are actually truly cool at most points. So with all of that being said... my phone rang at the bus station.
"Not too much man... Heading down to the studio for the day and were waiting for the bus." I replied in suspicion.
"Don’t worry about it dude. I'll give you guys a lift." Ca
Ching.
So we arrive at the studio after a ride of straight "gangster" rap aka Lil Wayne and random songs about making money and fucking "hoes" and we finally relax. Now, Dominic had a plan. Dominic always has a plan. As I sat down in the studio making fun of how absurd human beings are to actually degrade themselves to make such terrible music with Dylan, Dominic threw down the proposition.
"Man do you want to come on a ride with me to Cornwall and make $50.00, I just really don’t like to drive it alone, it’s boring." he slides it on me.
My eyes lit up like Christmas. As I said I am a poor writer. I do not make money off of this
unfortunately. So with haste and excitement I reply.
"Why the hell not?"
"Have fun!" Dylan remarks as he sees the entire situation play out before his eyes and I hop into the car filled with bass and useless talent...
The car ride began with a large iced cappuccino and a raging Dominic driving at a
considerably fast speed. I did not mind. In fact I kind of enjoyed it. The weather was atrociously beautiful and the wind was in my hair. Car rides are wonderful. I stared at all of the different people driving different kinds of cars that all looked as if they suited their
personalities in some fashion. It is odd how people seem when you have no idea who they are. What did they assume of me?
Finally we arrived in Cornwall. We were there to collect Dominic's contraband cigarette running money apart from doing other random side missions. This is always a huge problem with Dominic. He asks you to go to one place with him or vice verse and you can NEVER just go straight there. There are always his little "stops" or his "Oh hey dude I just have to run into part source and pick up this exhaust head for my Grand
Prix" (and or his
Seabring)" I’ll just be a minute..." Never in his entire existence has Dominic ever just been a "minute". This is utter aggravation and it will drive you to the bone most of the time but all I had to do was keep my mind on the 50$ going into my pocket. Horrible thing to crave...
The ride home was a different scene. My arm had been sun burnt from hanging it out the window the whole ride there. That's right. Only one of my arms was sun burnt. I look horribly ridiculous! That matter aside all Dominic did was either yell and scream at either a random girl he gets money from whom actually stalks him because of his constant need to take money from her or his girlfriend. Dominic considers that because he has been with a girl for a year and a half (and I don’t by any means imply that he was ever faithful) that he has a certain commitment to this person even though their entire
relationship is built upon making each other mad and pretending to make up. So between the sun burn and the random, super intense, scream fest phone calls, the car ride home... Not so pleasant.
Amidst all of these problems I really wanted to do some things during the night. 1) Hang out with
Breanna because I had not been able to the day before. 2) Possibly go out and chill with some friends, the bar was an option. Last but not least 3) HAVE SOME FREAKING FUN AND GET OUT OF THIS GOD FORSAKEN HELL CAR! I had become antsy and agitated but as long as I had some fun during the eve then all would be alright... We got to Ottawa... and then the stops ensued. First we had to go to Part Source and then to Wall-Mart. After that we had to go wash his car and clean it out and then after that Canadian Tire and Part Source again! All of this time I was talking to Dylan and
Breanna on the phone trying to give them an estimated time of when I would at least be at the studio again. Dylan wanted a ride home and
Breanna wanted me to smoke hookah. I was torn, lost and confused. When we got to the studio
Breanna was out getting coals and Dylan was ready to leave having been there all day and it now being 9:00pm. I did not blame him but now here I am leaving the place I am supposed to be literally as
Breanna is pulling in the driveway. I see she and two of her guy friends get out of the car. I depart.
Finally we are on a track. One solid plan that could potentially hold a lot of excitement went something like this: We were going to
Gracey O'
Malleys down the street from my house. A bar that Dominic has an odd obsession with because of the ditsy dumb looking females parked out front of the bar usually with their douche bag
Abercrombie, popped collar boyfriends. Dominic never goes in. He just watches. He also does not drink but this enables us to have a designated driver at all times. The party night ensues.
We picked up Corey and got to the bar at about 11:30 due to the fact that Dominic decided to take an hour and a half to get ready at Corey’s and who knows what in the Christ he could have been doing. The bar was absolutely packed. There was not a chance in Valhalla that we were making it into this place and to tell you the truth I definitely did not mind. The douche to chill/fun people ratio was way off the charts. We decided to relocate to a bar just down the street from
Gracey's called Tail Gators. Now as redneck as this place sounds it actually is pretty decent. It is an absolutely massive pool bar. Outside are to gigantic stair cases that make me wonder every single time: How many freaking people have fallen down these things? They looked like the god damned stairwell from the Exorcist, you know the one the priest falls out of and gets battered, mangled and murdered...Fuck this staircase! There was very minimal people there and pretty much 4 girls who were there with guys. Horrible scene but I was there to do my work. Drinks were on Dom. One shot of tequila, one purple haze, and a pitcher of Budweiser. Here we go.
Dominic paid for an hour of pool which we actually got rather into and let me tell you Dominic can play! He literally was rocking trick shots and possibly won every game. I decided that the 50 dollars in my pocket was pretty much free money so I felt generous and took Corey and myself to the bar for a round of shots. As we sat down at the bar I asked the bartender what he recommended I drown myself with.
"Track Suits and Jagger-bombs are cheap tonight."
Slide the track suits on me. I am going jogging....
I order the shots as the 2 guy’s beside us begin to make
conversation.
"You guys should try Porn Stars, man." One of them replied in a suggestive tone.
I was not opposed. 2 Shots of Porn Stars for Corey and I after we consumed the Track Suits. How odd that feels to say. Where do these names originate from and why?! So we take the shots into our hands and sticking to the theme of being friendly I thought to myself "I better give these guys a solid “Cheers!” for suggesting the drinks." In a very sneering and
condescending tone they looked at me and refused to cheers. What in the hell have I done to deserve such tom foolery?! Ah well human beings are strange and I of all people know this so I return to the pool table with Corey.
Almost immediately after I return to the table I see a few girls walk up to the bar. This is a chance. Time to turn on whatever charm I can muster up from my body and possibly try to talk to these people. I inform Dom and he is not opposed to the idea.
"Find out what they want." he replies.
Now I have already ingested a bit of alcohol so I have not a clue what he means.
"
Uhhh.
Ummm. The girls?" I spit out in a confused manor.
"No you fucking idiot! Find out what Dylan and Corey want!" And intense Dom rears his ugly head.
Realistically I did not even give a damn about the girls anymore because I was about to drink a round of a new beverage I had never tried before... The Killer
Kool-Aid. Oh my, what a wonder. There is so much alcohol and with such a wondrous taste. Green Jolly Rancher is the flavour I got from the mystical cup of booze. I am in love. I walk away from the bar without so much as even glancing at the girls. Whoops! Oh well, another time I guess. Dylan talks me into another round of tequila shots before last call becomes apparent to our situation. I do this almost unwillingly but I do it all the same. This is when the drunkenness began. The decision was that we were to drive to hull, Quebec where we could drink until 3am and hit up a Karaoke bar that I had been at another previous drinking endeavour. The place was baron last time I was there. Boring and desolate with nobody hanging around other then random old men and women singing their lives away at a karaoke bar. I tried to convince them of this places
terribleness. Dominic did not care and this is where he was going no matter what I said and that was that.
Graciously I will say right now that I was wrong. I apologize about the slandering of the karaoke bar and to this day I will remain more open minded about these kinds of places because when we pulled up in our little dark green car to what I thought was going to be a bore my jaw slid towards the fuzzy cushions of the cars floor. The place was ridiculous. There were so many people there my mind could not even fathom. What happened? Why in the hell was this desolate bar suddenly flooded with loads of people? It
was not until later that we all found out the June 23rd was the eve of what would be considered as Quebec's
Independence Day. Happy St. Jean! We were in the middle of a French separatist party and could not speak a word of it. Oh boy. Brace yourself.
I wish I could recollect how many drinks I was given at this bar because I definitely cannot but I do remember doing 2 liquid cocaine shots with a beer chaser the moment we stepped into the door. There was a brief moment that froze in time while I was standing at the bar and ogling over the state I had put myself in when a man walked by and made an
expressively happy gesture with his face towards me. He was painted the colors of the Quebec flag. This man was the definition of celebration from head to toe. As I looked around the room to see if he could have possibly made the facial expression to anyone else and there was nothing but the bar behind me. I smiled back and threw up a peace sign. I want to party just like that!
Throughout the time we spent at this bar many things stood out and one of the situations actually lead to another point in our journey but we will get to that later. The first of which was the French music. As Dylan and I sat at a table by ourselves we watched all of these wild French party fiends dancing around to this ridiculous sounding music. In fact Dylan started singing out “a, b, c, d, e, f, g” and so on to the beat of the song and to our hilarity it fit flawlessly. I gave Mary Had A Little Lamb a shot and sure enough we sang our hearts out. Sitting there with our new rounds of shots and beer we peered around the room in disarray. This place was wild. I grabbed my notebook in which I usually write semi detailed
descriptions of what happens the night of (of course this also pertains to the amount of craziness the day/night holds) and jotted down what I thought was a piece of my mind at the time and then Dylan asked me to pass him the notebook so he could also jot something down. We laughed at what we wrote and decided to go meet up with Corey and Dom on the patio where there were (of course) tons of people gathered drinking, talking and celebrating.
We got some drinks and decided to sit at a table that was already occupied by two other people. Their appearance seemed rather chilled out and cool so being the social folk we are we started up
conversation. It turned out that these two characters were in a band. One played guitar and was talked up by his friend as all musicians tend to do about their band mates and the other guy was a drummer. Now I say guy because in all honesty I have not a single clue what these human’s names could have been. Between the hustle and bustle going on around us, all of the drinks being poured one by one into my body, and Corey and Dominic hitting on these two rancid looking girls behind us there was no way to fathom up a memory of a name because of such a situation. We did however think we got their band name until a later phone incident wiped them from existence. God damn
technological monster pieces! Also this was the first person on Earth that was officially handed a Dylan Leeder Photography business card and will forever be remembered as such.
This is where things started to get out of hand (if you don’t already think they have already of course). One of these two homely looking ‘girls’ (if you can call them that) was horridly attracted to me. Their names again are a blur but I can describe them to a tee. The first one was
blonde. She looked as if she could be somewhere in her middle thirties and by god it took effort to look at her twice. The second girl (aka the girl who would not quite me) was a tad bit over weight... and when I say a tad bit I kind of mean this girl was morbidly obese and I
wouldn’t touch this human with a pole the size of the Empire State building! As rude as it sounds there is a reason for such slander.
The bar began to close and everyone was rushed out of the karaoke shack. Finally! I thought to myself. We can get out of this situation and get the H back home. This could not have been more wrong... In fact the girls followed us to the car and Corey told me to not be a jackass and keep my cool so he could get with the
blonde chick. Whatever... Corey is awesome and I would chill out if he wanted me to just for the night as long as I get the fuck home! We all get into the car and Dylan and I are rejoicing. Home time! I can finally step into my apartment stare at my wonderful resting place known as my bed and fall... fall fast asleep into the dream world.
"There they are! " Dominic screams at the rest of us as we drive down the Hull strip.
"What?!” I proclaim in pure lurid shock.
“The girls man! The girls! They are right there. We are meeting up with them.”
My dreams have been shattered into a million tiny little splinters that lodge deep into my brain in agony and discomfort.
“Fuck this! I’m staying in the car.” Dylan proclaims.
I agree with all of my efforts. These girls disgust me and I will have no part of this adventure. Dominic and Corey are gone. Dylan and I are wiggling around trying to find a comfortable resting position to try and get some sleep.
“Dude... Do you want to just go for a walk through the forest or something?” Dylan asks me with hope of doing something more fun than trying to sleep in a tiny ass car.
“Let’s do it.”
As we step outside of the car there she was. The
blonde girl was walking towards us asking what we were doing in the car.
“Why
aren’t you guys coming to the beach?” She asks me in her thick Quebec accent.
“Wait a minute, the beach?” I relay back in confusion.
“Yes” she replies.
“Does this beach have sand?” I ask.
“Yes” she replies again.
“And water that we can swim in?” Did I really need to ask that?
“Of course! That is where we are going.” She persuades me with her words.
I look over at Dylan and anyone who knows Dylan knows that he loves the beach and I mean to the point where he has a tattoo of a Polaroid camera picture of a beach on his ankle. I already knew the answer. To the beach we go!
The walk to the beach was absolutely insane. It was a long, dark, closed off road that we were walking down with two random French girls. Dominic was getting super worried for some reason. He started to get very uptight and walked back to talk to Dylan. I had to see for myself what on Earth they could be talking about that was making them so tripped out.
“Man! They could be walking us into a trap or something. They could mug us when we get there so be ready to fight if you have to!”
Holy shit! Dominic was tripping hard. Dylan played along getting more and more scared at what Dominic was saying.
“Chill out Dom. Nothing is going to happen. We are going to a beach and that is that.” I tried to calm the vibes down a bit.
“They could be robbing my car right now!” He replied raising his voice a bit to get his point across.
As he said that I thought to myself... What the hell are they going to steal from your car a pack of cigarettes and a bag of Fritos?
“Dude, Chill out man we are going to be fine and if worse comes to worse I think we’ll be okay with Corey, you, Dylan and myself”.
The vibes rippled away as we turned the corner to find the infamous beach. Hoorah!
It took some working up of courage before I went into the water but when Dylan let me know he was going in I was ready. The water was actually super warm and pleasant. I could have swam for hours if it were possible. Swimming while you are intoxicated is quite the experience. You feel a little more courageous then when you would be swimming sober. I was contemplating swimming out super deep into the water but then kind of that twice about what the hell I was even doing at the moment. I was in the water of a random beach in hull swimming with two random French girls, Dylan and Corey as Dominic sat on the beach and I’m guessing kept an eye on our stuff. The surroundings were actually incredible. There were lit up buildings everywhere across the water. One building had a purple backlight behind a fountain that shot up at least 50 feet in the air. I loved this place but I was beginning to get a little chilly and realizing that I just jumped into the water in my boxers I had no means to dry myself off! Alcohol makes bad decisions sometimes. So I ended up using my t-shirt as a towel and tossed it with my boxers as we ran to a nearby fire to warm up. The owner’s of this camp fire were young kids whom I am guessing decided to go for a beach side camp for the night and I doubt expected 2 girls and 4 guys (2of which are big muscular guys) to show up and bombard their fire but we at this point did not give a single care. With no conversation except “We’re so cold, this fire is amazing” exchanged we got the hell out of there.
Keeping in suit with the rest of the attempted journey’s home I have had during the days span the walk back to the car was not so pleasant. Dylan was complaining about how he just wanted to get home, Corey, and Dominic were lost talking to the French girls and I was smack dab in the middle of it all. I tried to strike conversation with the girls just to be kind considering the whole experience we just went through and ended up (who the Jesus Henry Christ knows how) stumbling upon the fact that these girls were French separatists. They wanted Quebec to become its own country. I could not help but laugh and I do not think these girls appreciated this. I did not care. The rest of the walk home as fat girl number 2 tried to keep getting me to “Take my pants off” I got a little bit fed up.
“No sorry. I have a little thing humans like to call ‘self respect’ ever heard?” I replied as snarky as I could.
Things did not look up from there. I walked ahead to talk to Dylan because I was sick of listening to the separatists garbage talk and from what Corey and Dominic told us in the car all they did on the walk was mouth them the entire way.
As we got in the car and did the loop around we all decided that we would yell something at these two girls we had in a way left stranded in hull. Corey said wait until he tried to get one of their numbers. I was not opposed to this idea. We pulled up beside them and Corey got turned down.
“Fucking French separatist douche bags! Woooooo!” and away we sped into the night never to see the 2 human beings again.
To conclude our hull adventure we decided to go to a restaurant called Rockwell’s for a night cap of wings and about a gallon of water each. Corey couldn’t help but swear all breakfast and we were all at a point of confusion and delirium. As I ate my hot wings and watched the sun rise I thought do other people have adventures like this? Do other people have this much fun because experience is what makes the world go round. We are here to make the most fun out of every situation we are placed in no matter how terrible they can be at some points. Before Dylan and I decided to lay down in bed at 6:30 in the morning we checked out what we had written in my notebook and it read: "French supremist douche bags!!! YEAH!!! ...and they love their gambling... let the 'lords' bless these french partyers (sp?)". We could do nothing but burt out in laughter at the hilarity of the situation that played out that evening and our laughter ended the night of the French separatist movement.
