The story of the water bottle and the whiskey

There are a few things to consider when it comes to drinking for an entire day and night: 1) Always (and I mean always) make sure there is enough alcohol to last you throughout the span of your adventure. 2) Never drink obnoxiously fast during the day because the demon genuinely known as your drunken state will pounce on your back at night like a leaping lion and this lion will drag you down in success. 3) Try your best not to black out... it may haunt you for the rest of your waking and subconscious life. 4) Become the master... No matter what anybody says to you, play it cool. Fight through the drunkenness! You are zen. You are admired. Last but definitely not least we have 5) Ignore all forms of conflict unless desired. Douche bags sold separately... I have displayed these sets of rules above because in a round of sheer stupor I was involved in everything I have written and I am more then happy to share my story of horror.
The day began. My eyes crept open to the sound of the phone ringing in the living room. Oh shit! Our friend Justin is on his way to pick us up and transport my 2 best friends, Dylan, Tom and I back to our hometown. Shaken by the fact that I now had approximately 30 - 40 minutes to get all of my items together for a trip back home and my head was splitting in half from the night before, I was delirious. I need help. I drifted back to sleep for a bit before he arrived. Justin's presence makes me want to chug 100 beers and he would gladly join if possible. Fuck my headache. Tonight we party.
Home, finally! The ride was short, quick and filled with a variety of "friend core" music that made my head a much bigger issue then it needed to be. Techno... Yelling.... Breakdown... Yelling.... End. So I arrive in glee to my sister blaring Queen. I am not opposed. She fills me in on the days festivities. We are to split a 26er of spiced rum followed by whatever else we needed afterwards. My face smiles as my liver hides in a corner sulking but the day is beautiful and the sun is beating down in waves of heat. What better to do then drink all day and night?
The lid from the bottle is cracked. Flowing golden brown liquid is poured into my cup. I am not shy. My first drink is a strong one and I don't see any point of breaking the habit further down the line. The taste of the liquid makes my mouth pucker and my face cringe but there is a reason for this. Tonight I want to be a wild man swinging from rafters and breaking the chains. I want to explode in a drunken frenzy. Freedom and failure.
The drinks progress as I socialize a bit trying to figure out what to do for the night. There are many options. There are apparently three party choices. Two of which are being held at friends places that would progress towards a bar extravaganza. I hate the bar... A place for lost souls and boring banter and being the poor struggling writer that I am I have no money to afford that trip. Another party is random. My younger sisters friends birthday. Her name is Kaleigh. I am torn...
Next thing you know I am introduced to a new drink. It is a cooler dubbed the "Bananatini". The yellow glowing substance I force down my throat. I am intrigued and feel a sense of envy. The taste is sugary and almost like the banana medicine you were given as a kid to make your "tummy" feel better. I drink about half. By this point I have ingested so much sugar into my body that I can hardly look at the haunting radioactive glow. It peers at me from across the room. I am in disgust. Death to the Bananatini!
The time flies by and next thing I know the choice has already been made. Jake whom is my younger sisters boyfriend shows up. He is the transporter. Chilling out with my friend Mike we decided to stay back and catch a ride with our other friend Chaucey. I try my best to keep in touch with the others in Jake's car. This does not go well... On our way to the party (they are supposed to be at) I receive a message stating that the people at the house we are going to have all retreated and were currently in line up at the bar. We have been dooped! In a flurry I try my hardest to get a hold of Jake and like a charm he answers his phone with grace. "Hey man do you think I could go to that party you are at? Everyone bailed on me..." I ask in hope.
"Yeah man for sure." he replies.
"Is there anyway you can come meet me at the nearest gas station?" I was pushing my luck.
"Yeah man, no problem. Ill be there in a few minutes."
Success!
On the phone the party sounded raging and this was good because I was in for an experience and by this point I was intoxicated enough to be able to handle any situation, or so I had thought. So I waited for Jake with anticipation. What would come next? Why do I do these things? As I sat and pondered he showed up roaring down the road towards me in his semi souped up beast of a car. I climbed in with a water bottle of whiskey in hand.
"So how is it man?!" I asked excitedly. "Hows the party going?"
"It's retarded man. Drug dealers and stupid girls who are all taken and the ones who aren't I wouldn't want to touch."
Introduce me to a firing line...
"Why wouldn't you tell me this on the phone?!" I retorted in shock.
"I don't know man. You could have fun, we'll see." He tried to reassure me.
Now I begin to worry. The alcohol level in my blood was raging like a fiery menace and I was being carried away to a scene of neanderthals who could very well be jumping on tables and beating their chests but was this not what I wanted? I resorted to the only thing left that I thought could help my situation...More whiskey.
The story of the water bottle half full of whiskey was a common one. A friend of my sister whom was hanging out all day with us had taken a mix of 2 different kinds of whiskey from her parents. She is 19. As odd as I found having to take alcohol from your parents at such an age I did not care, for the water bottle ended up in my possession. A smile has crept onto my face. This bottle stuck with me throughout the entire night filling my head with strayed, wacky and horrible antics. The fire water thought revoker.
So as we pulled into the driveway of this "party" I noticed a familiar figure looming in the darkness. My friend Mackenzie was there and more then filled with glee to see my sorry face. He was used to parties like this. These were his friends. So basically I latched on hoping that if these people were the savage apes that Jake was describing I would have a motive to be there... a friend amidst the storm. We made small talk and compared the activities of our day before making our way into the thunderous garage. The party shack.
Being that this was a girls birthday party I was waltzing up in on I tried my best to make my way over to her and wish her a happy one. Instead I got caught up in the randomness that ensued. There were people from all walks of my life there. People I knew from elementary school, people I knew from my past, even random acquaintances I have met along the way. Could this party offer more then I had thought? One of them noticed the bottle. My plastic new best friend. He asked me "Hey dude! What are you drinking in that thing?"
I took my buddy from my sweater pocket and felt it's smooth sides. "Whiskey man! Wisers actually." I replied and I lied for fun.
Next thing I know he came back 3 minutes later with a full 26er of the exact whiskey I had pretended to be drinking. A big black labeled bottle from hell. "Top er' up man!" the human exclaimed.
"Ummm what?!" I was dumbfounded.
"Fill er' up dude. You don't have much left."
This man began to glow like an angel if there was ever such a creature. He was offering to let me fill up my entire water bottle to the brim with more whiskey. A beaming ray of light shone down upon my plastic sidekick as I replenished its almost diminished body with gold. Oh wonderment... What a state my little friend is going to put me in. I cheers this godsend of a human being with thanks and praise and I take another drink. What am I thinking?
I try to introduce myself to as many people as possible and each person that realizes they had known me from somewhere stop me to talk. This takes a long time but my bottle is constantly at my side. Taking drinks, giving drinks, it was a circus and I was the lead act. I was "new".
Don't get me wrong. As much as I love the feeling of everyone wanting to know who you are and why you are there (especially the ones of the female gender) this sometimes poses a problem. Gorilla's tend to get jealous. Even if they do it in the nicest way possible it still bothers me. When you are attempting to have a conversation with someone and all of a sudden there's some guy kissing or rubbing up on the human your trying to interact with can be quite off-putting. I get annoyed. I drink from my saviour.
The party was random but not a single person except the birthday girl was having a bad time. She was attractive and funny but she was not having fun. Oh the irony. Every time I tried to make contact with her she was either balling her eyes out of her skull about some ex boyfriend issues or trying to hook up with some random dude at the party. This did not help her situation... In fact everything I witnessed her try to do to have some fun ended up backfiring right into her face. Some people are doomed to be stuck like this forever. How boring.
Of all the people I met at this party only one stood out through the fog. I don't quite remember her name but I do remember her patterns of thought. She was confident, outgoing, convincing and talkative. I decided I would converse with this person for a while. We spoke about theories of evolution, philosophy, psychology and our own beliefs of human nature. My kind of conversation...
This is when things got a little heated. My friend Corey is a giant. He is tough and wild and he loves to get into any form of confrontation. He is a gentle giant and absolutely loyal to his friends but to anyone else... he is a whirling tornado from hell. I think every time alcohol and Corey are present there is a fight. A vicious, blood soaked, gladiator battle that no one can stop. This man was born in the wrong era of time. Corey had shown up at the party...
Things began a little friendly with his arrival. He threw me a beer and I gave him a big hug but in the back of my mind all I could think about was the horror that was going to ensue if so much as one person looked at him wrong. A ticking time bomb of sorts, he puts me constantly on edge of destruction. Wild man, wild times and before anyone knew it he had set his sights. A girl had slapped a creepy random dude who had shown up to the party. A big no no in Corey's books. The situation happened fast, creepy dude spoke, girl slaps creepy dude, beer shatters on ground spraying all over my pants, I hate creepy dude...
Not knowing what happened Corey took the side of the creepy guy because he had not a clue what happened. To slow to react to such a fast situation Corey ran after the girl... She was already gone. He came back into the garage in a fury of rage, knocking things over and freaking out about nothing that mattered. I sat there staring at my plastic hero. More whiskey for me. I am intoxicated. The mother of the house came out trying to get everyone who was being to risky out of there, apparently my sister was one of them. I am stuck in a room of 3 year old children and Jake and I are the only rational ones left.
Deciding to leave the shit storm and going outside away from the bickering children was the best idea I have had the entire night. There was a dog roaming the lands. Majestic and fun. I played fetch with the dog for a solid half an hour while I drank the whiskey and "txt'ed" a wonderful girl I know over and over. Man, I love real animals. Compared to the people in the other room the only thing different between the dog and them was the happiness the animal portrayed. Silly human beings trapped in their own stupidity...
My serenity was quickly interrupted by a fleeting Kaleigh, Lacey, Jacob and Corey. This was now the convoy. We were to leave the premises immediately... Even the birthday girl. In the car we listened to horrible music, a recurring theme throughout the days adventure. Kaleigh was coming on to me. Holding my hand and rubbing my leg like nothing else mattered as she sung the most horrible music known to man. I was not impressed but like I said she was attractive. Little did I know that we were actually on our way to drop her off at her ex-boyfriends apartment. What the H?! The awkwardness flooded the car. This girl began calling and screaming and crying at her ex-boyfriend because she believed he had another girl in his presence and she wanted to stay there. Corey manged to get her kicked off of the grounds with his wild drunken antics. She lost her mind. What a poor waste of a human existence... People like this are doomed to live in this place forever, be in this place forever, and die in this place forever. Still boring...
We drove away watching a flustered, tear soaked girl scuffle back to her own apartment alone and in pain... Happy birthday.
Next thing I know I'm dropped off at home after taking care of a massive giant of a man a.k.a: Corey and walking him up his stairs after he puked up his guts. Tequila is a horrible thing. Who knew such giants could get so intoxicated. What does that say about me?! So the moral of the story is there are no morals. People are strange and lost and I get to observe and write about their situations along with mine. As for the my adventures long companion the plastic instrument of destruction... I threw it out into the night and watched it fade into the distance as I drifted to sleep and tasted the residual it had left in my mouth. Fare well my plastic friend. I will see you again in the after world.